Why Networking Feels Gross and Why You Should Do It Anyway

• There are many benefits to networking.
• But it often compromises our psychological sense of moral purity.
• Using people for personal gain feels gross.
• Luckily, there are ways to network with a clean conscience.

Does professional networking make you feel...dirty?

If so, you aren't alone. A team of psychologists explored the science behind this near-universal experience in a paper called: "The Contaminating Effects of Building Instrumental Ties: How Networking Can Make Us Feel Dirty."

They found that not only does networking feel gross, but when a behavior makes us feel yucky, we do it less often. And that's a problem, because the paper also explains that professional networking has massive, proven upsides:

• It increases personal learning.
• It enhances understanding of organizational practices.
• It promotes skill development.
• It provides role clarity.
• It improves performance, evaluation, compensation, and promotion chances.
• It has broad positive consequences for both individual and organizational outcomes.

The Weird Morality of Networking

According to the research, it all comes down to your sense of "moral purity" -- a psychological state resulting from your view of yourself as a moral person. As a rule, people need to perceive themselves as morally pure.

Unlike personal networking -–– which tends to be spontaneous and friendship-focused –– professional networking is an intentional strategy for using relationships to get ahead.

But no one wants to feel like a user.

Treating others like tools for personal advancement feels morally compromising. Even more so when we aren't being totally honest with people about why we want a connection.

As a result, many of us come away from professional networking attempts feeling sullied and thinking: Ugh, I don't want to do that again.

More Power, Less Shame

The study also found that the more power a person has, the less likely that person is to feel dirty when networking in this way.

The research team hypothesized that there may be a few reasons for that:

• "People in power tend to dehumanize and objectify others anyway."
• "Feelings of power motivate personal goals pursuit, which encourages a more instrumental treatment of others."
• "Powerful people have more to give in return, allowing for more reciprocal and balanced networking relationships that feel less morally compromising."

As a result, "the powerful may be immune to the feeling of dirtiness that results from engaging in instrumental professional networking," the authors wrote.

This creates a kind of feedback loop: the already-powerful continue to benefit from professional networking in meaningful ways, while the less-powerful benefit far less as a result of avoiding a behavior that feels morally questionable.

The researchers noted that this reinforces and perpetuates inequality in both power and performance.

Five Networking Tips for a Clear Conscience

So what are those of us in lower-power positions to do?

The answer is pretty obvious, if uncomfy: network anyway.

Here's how to go about it without feeling so gross:

Frequently Asked Questions About Networking

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