Working Moms Have a Burnout Problem

Parenting Burnout: The Exhaustion Gap

"Women have always done a disproportionate amount of the unpaid labor at home," said Kerr. "It starts from the very beginning, especially if the mother takes time off from work to be with the baby and the father doesn't. She becomes the default manager of all the things: doctor's appointments, childcare, schools, camps, playdates, medications, sleep, and eating schedules. Even if her partner shares responsibilities, it isn't the same as managing that mental load. It's a full-time job."

Mothers also bear the lion's share of the family emotional load — a burden that got even heavier during the pandemic.

"The kids were distressed; normal boundaries went out the window. Working moms had to be emotionally present for struggling kids while simultaneously managing their own mental health and trying to excel in their jobs. Moms are exhausted."

• The Fix:

  "What can we do at the personal level?" asked Kerr. "Moms: It's time to ditch martyrdom motherhood. The world may call moms 'superheroes,' but you don't have to be a hero. You don't have to sacrifice everything."

  "A good coach or therapist can help you find ways to make motherhood more manageable by letting go of expectations, making changes at the family level, enlisting your partner as an ally in the home, and processing the shame and guilt that come up as a working mother."

Occupational Burnout: Overworked and Undervalued

"Overwork, lack of autonomy, and lack of recognition contribute massively to burnout. Anyone can experience these things, but working moms are more likely to because they aren't moving up the ranks," said Kerr.

"Companies often fail to value the unique skills mothers bring to the table. A really good example of that occurred during the pandemic, when women did a much better job of looking after the well-being of their teams. Employee well-being affects the bottom line, but only about 25% of companies reward that kind of work. Women are spending a lot of energy doing crucial but undervalued and under-rewarded work."

• The Fix:

  "What can we do at the organizational level?" asked Kerr. "Managers: It's time to start making well-being a key performance indicator. Reward the hard work mothers and women are doing to keep your business running."

  "Moms are stereotyped as nurturing because that's something we are actually pretty good at. It's a valuable skill to bring to the workplace — especially right now — so why is it not incentivized? I want to see managers start to value collaborative leadership more."

Barrier Burnout: The Broken Rung and the Maternal Wall

"When someone becomes a mother, suddenly everyone believes her new commitment to her family makes her less committed to her job. Meanwhile, a dad in the exact same situation is considered more committed to his work because he is now also committed to a family," said Kerr. "How can the same situation result in two different assumptions?"

"Mothers, of all the groups, are on the bottom rung, the broken rung. Mothers of color are even further down. And heaven forbid you do step out of the workplace for a while and then try to come back — you just can't get the same position at the same pay. You end up doing work you're overqualified for. It's deeply frustrating, because you know you are skilled and capable. But you just keep coming up against that maternal wall. No one warned you this was how it was going to be."

• The Fix:

  "What can we do at a systemic level? CEOs and business owners: You must institute tools and procedures to help overcome systemic biases. The biases against women are further perpetuated against moms," said Kerr.

  "That means you need to make hiring a team decision, preferably a diverse team. Use structured interview questions and materials. And for goodness sake, create reward structures grounded in performance, not potential — the data shows that we almost always judge a man's potential higher than an equally qualified woman's."

Crisis Fatigue: Sending Kids Into a Scary World

It's always been tough to send our kids out into the world. But since March 2020, it's been excruciating: Waiting to understand how the pandemic would impact children, waiting for them to get access to vaccines, and waiting to learn what long-term effects a COVID-19 infection might have on their developing bodies. There's still so much we don't know.

"Pandemic stress has been chronic," said Kerr. "We've undergone constantly changing recommendations, constantly changing norms. Uncertainty is something human beings cope with very poorly. Uncertainty about threats to our children is a major source of fear and stress."

On top of the invisible but ever-present danger of COVID-19, we are also coping with a school shooting epidemic. "As a result, 'out there' — away from Mom's watchful eye — has become more threatening than ever. Moms are tasked with determining what precautions will keep their families safe in a scary world — an impossible burden," said Kerr.

"It's important to realize that as a white mother, I have a certain level of fear for my children. It's constant; it's distracting. But that intense surge of fear that we all experienced in the aftermath of Uvalde is very real at all times for Black mothers. Statistically, the chances that their children will be victims of gun violence are much higher. Crisis fatigue is a daily reality for those moms even in 'normal times' — an added layer of emotional exhaustion, a terrible strain."

• The Fix:

  "Some things we can't just fix without collective action, collective political will. But empathy can be very powerful, so take a moment to recognize that people you know are living this reality all the time," said Kerr. "Being seen means a lot."